Mothers and Daughters

There is a special bond between mothers and daughters.  I’ve known that since I was little and spent time with my mom.  I realized it even more after having my daughter and then adding my step daughter to the family.  Now that I’m on to raising the third generation of daughters, it’s become even more entrenched. 

In the course of conversations with my daughters about life and their struggles or triumphs, it’s become very clear to me that it is my responsibility to set an example for them on how to be a strong woman.  I don’t think some mothers out there understand this.  Our daughters look to us to learn how to be strong, how to be in a relationship with a significant other and how we handle the stresses that life throws at us.  Some mothers would rather spend their time buried in their electronics or the bottom of a bottle of booze, then deal with life.  Some would rather lie and cheat on their significant others than admit that they aren’t happy or stand up for what they want out of their relationship.  Some stay in abusive relationships because they don’t know how to get out or to ask for help.  All the while, their daughters are watching and learning.  I think this is why the cycles repeat themselves over and over again. 

I’ll admit that during my first marriage I wasn’t the best example to my daughter.  Although my first husband never physically abused me, the mental and emotional abuse took a toll.  He was never there and when he was, I was never good enough.  Instead of standing up for myself and telling him that wasn’t okay, I let that behavior continue.  I never once thought about the example I was setting for my daughter.  Once we divorced and I came into my own, that changed.  I made sure that my daughter knew that she should never allow a man, any man, treat her that way.  Even if she loves him with her whole heart, that is unacceptable behavior. 

Now that I’m in a very loving and healthy second marriage, I’m a much stronger woman and I’ve raised both daughters to be that way as well. The relationship that I have with my husband is what I always wanted.  A partner that sees me as an equal, that treats me well, that respects me.  That’s what I want for my girls.  I’m much more aware of the role model that I am and I try to be conscious of that as I go through life.  Do I always succeed?  Hell no.  I’m human, I make mistakes.  But once I realize that I’ve made a mistake, I try to correct it.  With another generation of girls living with me it’s even more important to set a good example.  This granddaughter of mine is sharp, she misses nothing.  She sees everything.  Just listening to the conversations that I’ve had with my step daughter she’s already decided that when she goes to college she doesn’t want roommates…..lol.  All that just from listening to the struggles that Susan has had with roommates in the past. 

Going forward I’m watching what I say and do because it’s important.  Not just to me or for me but because others are watching.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not living my life by other peoples standards.  I’m still authentic to myself.  But I’m more aware and that’s not a bad thing.  Maybe if more of us were aware, our girls would break the cycle of oppression and abuse.  Maybe more would stand up and demand to be heard.  The future is there for the taking and I really want them to reach out and grab that brass ring, break that glass ceiling.  Be strong ladies, the next generations are watching.