You know, they say you can’t pick your family but you can pick your friends. Truer words have never been spoken. I’m really feeling the weight and impact of that phrase this week, let me tell you. I love my family, from my parents down to my grandchildren and across the cousins and in-laws from my husband’s family. My children have been a wonderful joy in my life. But, that being said, they’ve also been a pain in my ass at times and frustrating at others. As you already know, together my husband and I have five children ranging in age from 33 to 23. Three boys and two girls. The oldest, my son and the youngest, my stepdaughter, are the only ones not married. My oldest daughter lives in Nashville with her husband and their beautiful 6 month old daughter. My youngest son lives in Kansas with his wife and two stepchildren and my stepson lives in CT (for now) with his wife.
Nashville is a wonderful place to visit and I love it there, although I’ve only been able to visit down there about 4 times in the 10+ years my daughter has lived there. It’s expensive to live in and for a young family, rents are getting out of control. My daughter would like to move, possibly closer to us, her family. Not in our back pocket but a little bit closer. Her husband would like to move in with his parents who live Nashville adjacent. The fact he hasn’t even talked to his parents about this plan, we don’t need to discuss right now. He doesn’t want to move closer to us because he’s not comfortable with anyone in the family other than our youngest daughter. That hurt. I honestly don’t understand that statement at all. We’ve been nothing but kind and welcoming to him, done things for him and for our daughter without ever asking for anything in return other than he love and honor our daughter and take care of their daughter. I don’t think that’s asking too much. Do you?
My youngest son has been married a year now. He’s also the father of the granddaughter that I’m raising and her half sister that was adopted by her grandfather after her mother died. He’s in Kansas, raising his two stepchildren, and getting his life in order (I hope). He’s coming home here for a visit and to see his two daughters that don’t remember him at all. I’m very anxious about this visit and worried things will not go well after he leaves. I spoke to him today and his wife is upset that I never contact her. I don’t call to talk or text her or message her other than to ask about what kinds of food they like to eat, if they have allergies, etc. Mind you, I’ve never met this girl. I know almost nothing about her but I guess I’m supposed to be her bosom buddy because she married my son. Hmmmm, must have missed that memo.
My stepson and his wife, no worries there. I’ve known her for as long as they dated, were engaged and got married. She and I have a really good friendship and when I see her or get a chance to talk to her it’s like no time has passed. I haven’t heard if I’m lacking in friendliness from her so I guess I’m doing okay.
What I’m trying to say here is, I didn’t know that I was supposed to call these people every week, send out newsletters, flyers, updates, questionnaires, etc. I’m not the person they dated and married. I don’t even talk to some of my friends for weeks or months at a time. But I haven’t heard any complaints. Just to be clear, these in-laws haven’t exactly been blowing up my phone or messenger themselves. The only time I hear from them is if they happen to be on the phone or nearby when I talk to my children.
Maybe I’ve been cooped up at home too long and forgot my manners. Maybe a missed the memo on what is and what is not acceptable social behavior towards your children’s spouses. I have no idea. I just know that all week these hits have just been coming out of the blue and I’m feeling beat up and like a terrible person. I always think of myself as a nice, caring person who takes care of everyone else before myself. I guess I was wrong. Either that, or no matter what I do, it’s just not enough. Who knows. I just know that I’m feeling a little hurt and defensive right now and really just want a weekend away where I don’t have to talk to anyone or think about anything. Is that too much to ask?
Kaz's Korner 